Snap, crackle and pop.

I cracked. And with a lot less resistance then I hoped for. I know that gave up far to easily, without even really trying, and it somewhat shames me.

I feel like I've given up before I'd even really started, like I've walked away from a marathon without even really signing up, just half heartedly thinking about it.

I gave up magazines for lent. and lent isn't over, but here I am with a magazine. The worst thing about it is that I know I could have survived, but the temptation was too much. Not in a "I need this" way, but in a why ever not sence? My dad asked if I wanted one and even though there was a brief internal dilemma I still headed over to the magazine section to cradle Elle.

I'm so weak like this. And I don't even know why. I walked to pick it up knowing i'd regret it, yet i did it anyway. I'm battling with the inner rebellion that is so utterly pointless but always present. I don't need Elle. Utimately, its a waste of time. Yes its filled with Art, and talent. but its pointless. In the long run its worth absolutely nothing. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus, not on material things that mean nothing. So I'm doing it, I can't go back on it now...I'm throwing away my magazines. ALL OF THEM. every single last one.

I'm now off to be a little bit sick at just the thought of this....

BOOKS & MAGAZINES: No kindle for me.

When it comes to film and television, we can take a lot of style inspiration without even physically realising. But its only when fiction role play is shaped in the form of hundreds of pages of words and shaped to create a much deeper character do we really start to strive to be like the supposed person in question. I know that in all my 16 years, I've been shaped by various different mediums but never has anything resided over books in the list of items able to transform me.

One particular author is the root of my ever present love affair of books. That ladies and gentleman is Jacqueline Wilson. I've read pretty much every single book she'd wrote before I turned 13. (I tore myself away a bit before this age, 'Kiss' just did not live up to my expectations I'm afraid) It may be strange to say I owe a person I've never met so much, but its ultimately completely true. Not only did Wilson spark a desire in me to write, she also made me want to expand my literacy knowledge,  although I've still never got round to reading Anne Frank's diary despite the fact I hopefully pined to find the text after reading 'Secrets'.

As I grow up I need to start finding novels that will yet again deliver the same connection that I found with practically each one of Jacqueline Wilson's books. On odd occasions I've discovered a few, namely 'Lets get lost' & 'Pretty Things' by Sara Manning and 'Everything beautiful' by Simmone Howell. I could name to you a few more but no more then 5 could be added to the list at this present time. A reason for this is the simply the lack of time I've had to get lost in a good book, so taking English at A Level brings at least one advantage.

I've finally got my hands on a copy of 'the Virgin Suicides' that I've been eager to read for an age, especially since I saw the film a year or two ago. I wonder If this could quite possibly be a book to shape my current identity in some way. Although I've not yet hit half way in the book, I'm already begining to be captivated by the idea of the long flowing, raggedy hemmed wedding dress the youngest Lisbon sister is mentioned as always wearing before she takes her last breath and leaps. Even if I don't take anything from the story itself, I know I'm going to be left somewhat facinated with the front cover of the book. I just love the picture.

Once I've finished it, I'll let you all know my thoughts and opinions as to if it really lives up to its hype. And as to its depth of impact on me.

BOOKS & MAGAZINES: You had my heart and soul.

It was in Asda that I'd spotted the issue of Rolling Stone, emblazoned with her face. And although I’d seen the cover around about on various websites and blogs, spotting it attached to a magazine holding countless articles, features and competitions was a different thing entirely. It was in late April if I remember correctly, because at the time my other heroine Miss Chung was taking to another front line Vogue spread. I'd actually ventured out with the idea's to buy Vogue itself, but when rolling stone caught my eye some high pitched noise exited my mouth. Wrestling delegations between my head and my heart was rather quick and superficial. I chose Adele, though in fact, I'd long already chosen Adele.

I loved her instantly from Chasing Pavements. Her deep soulful voice captured my heart in away no other artists has managed to master to the same level, even after 3 or so years of musical infatuations Adele has always had a place in my heart. That, I'd say, owes to her utter willingness to expose herself so openly through her music. Night after night on tour she bares her soul to thousands with the beautiful lyrics that either bare her heartbreak or screw you attitude, depending on the guy of course. Adele is real, she's the complete opposite of not only the talent, but also the image expected from the music industry. The fact that Adele cannot only write but also play both piano and guitar appears rather unusual in today's age. Listening to her not only makes me cry a hell of a lot but it also makes me happy. Its like therapy.

Now then, Adele on Vogue. Absolutely bliss. I've never anticipated a single magazine so much. I walked into the shop, saw it, and did some strange little celebratory dance. Then I spent the whole day cradling it and refusing to let anybody touch it. A person so real on a magazine that tends to be so fake is such a joy. She will not accommodate anybody else’s prejudice, she is who she is and you can like that or not.  There's that fire you see with Adele on television, the outrageous laughter and non stop chatter mixed with the sensitivity you in her music. Its a brilliant combination, If she wasn't so alive you wouldn't feel the passion and raw emotion brought about by her re living them old memories constantly. I feel as if Adele is my friend because of her accessability. She's also fearless in her love, she'll jump even though she might still feel the pain of previous relationships. She's a true inspration to me, while still making me want to be me.   she doesn't have to lessen the pain she speaks of nor develop a more eleagant laugh, or lose weight to cover a glossy fashion bible, the talent rules above it all. She's purely and openly herself, showing us all you don't have to change who you are to get what you want.

Thank you Adele.

          

MAGAZINES/RELIGION: Change.

After entering my room and dumping my bag I stood on top of my bed and reached over to the only organization my sleeping quarters possessed. The bookshelf; Very top if were going to be precise about it. Here I date order Vogue, Marie Claire, Nylon, In style, Glamour and of course, Elle. (Grazia's just get squashed in a box)

It was time to pull out the August 2010 issue of Elle, starring Lily Allen. And compare it to the issue exactly a year later: August 2011 issue of Elle, starring Lily Allen.

Black Hair? check. Tattoo? check.

Although Lily may have the same personal recognition features on the outside she did a year ago, Inside she's probably a completely different person. We all relate to that, although we've seen some of her experiences through the media there is probably plenty more hidden away, she holds stories deep inside that she'll never tell. Have you changed much in this past year?

I can tell you I have, A lot. I've changed too much in fact.  This past year has been so horrible, and its turned me into a person I never desired to be. Through various ways and means I've been transformed to a negative version of myself, I'm not proud of what the past 12 months have shaped me too be. I'm still a christian indeed, but I'm not a very good one. I even now refer back to my "Holy" self, a time when I lived better for God. That's something I, with God's help am going to change.

I never used to swear, I don't even want to count the times I do in a single day now. Yet on a single hand can I count the amount of times I've properly sat down to listen to God for more then 5 minutes since last July. If you've only known me since around September of last year, then you don't know Jess, not really. You've got to know a shell of Jess, with occasional "holy" moments thrown in. I want to revert back to back my old ways, with God's help I can. I'm going to slowly try and climb the ladder back up to God...Its not going to be easy, but I know for sure Its going to be worth it.

No matter all the stuff I've hidden in my past, God can accept it and he can forgive, I'm going to turn back to the true and loving ways of my saviour, starting right now. Its never to late for God.

BOOKS & MAGAZINES: T.Y.P.E

With Alexa being Vogue's cover girl and Adele taking to her well earned stage on Rolling Stone I was pretty content with publications this month, then who lands on my favourite magazine? my favourite obsession.

Oh yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, Florence Welsh just happens to be the headliner for Nylon's music issue. Sorry Elle, I do of course still love you, but you can't replace the all American feeling delivered by this magazine. It may lack well written articles but it insists on compensating with brilliant photographs & behind the scenes videos like no other. In a criticism its content relates to candyfloss, It makes you briefly happy, is probably twice your RDA of sugar but once you've ate it, its gone. While Elle leaves a lasting impression and I can still tell you articles from last year that stuck in my mind.  But its fair to say we all need a bit of a fairground pick me up occasionally though, especially with a helping of our favourite flame haired singer.

BOOKS & MAGAZINES: Count the pages,

I love fashion, I always have. And, I've always loved magazines. I read them all,  even the Tracy Beaker collection (anyone else still got the free creativity box?) I love how much they happen provide you with, I learnt how to draw like Nick Sharratt in one issue - though I remember never been able to get the hair right. It just always seemed too spiky rather then the borderline curls it should have been. The magazines I read today provide me with not just fashion information but insight and a guide. They do not dictate what I wear, for I decide that myself though they do provide helpful tips, and viewings of other lives. A magazine is a guidebook of do's and dont's that expand to almost every circumstance of your life even though they may focus on a particular subject. I can't stress just how much I love everything about them, even the paper.

 if love the cover star, a flick inside is still essential. I am indeed faithful to some publications, where as others I flit. I think pretty much every company I've ever bought has been reduced to a pound. Tonight though, I just couldn't bring myself to buy one.

I'd set off to Tesco with the mission to buy "Revision notebooks". That translates to Vogue, Diet Coke and maybe Marie Claire.  I'd already seen who were on the cover so I was pretty set on buying them, then I picked them up. You may call me old fashioned but I actually like to buy a magazine that has substance, a big thick magazine is one of the things I really really enjoy. Its like spending time with old friends, you dip in and out of conversation, your not fearful to cross a particular subject and you listen to there advice. I don't need anymore adverts to fill my walls, I wasn't prepared to buy something half heatedly if it just didn't sell itself.

If I ever own or am in charge if any magazine I can guarantee to you that every month the magazine would carry weight. Not just in its physical form but the message it contained inside. I'd actually be ashamed to deliver a publication so thin. You can always inspire more.

BOOKS & MAGAZINES: A glossy love affair.

At first it’s the confusion of tearing the plastic that protects the free gifts and adverts from falling away. Which way is best? Its not to be opened a moment before you can delve and uncover the full glory within its pages. Its then the snap and almost slightly fizzing noise of the glue as you peel away the wrapper. Laying it out, preparing to make the first crease into the page, no one else can. You dare not go for it all at once, its just a precious skim, careful not to mark any of the pages. This will last years if you treat in right, its not just a magazine, it’s a piece of history. You can’t throw away all this time and effort,your making an investment here. Thousand of pounds go into every issue and although eventually the cover star’s spotlight may have faded and the pages will change colour and decay, in your memory the magazine will always stay shiny, its what inspired and made you more like who you want to be.

That is the beauty of magazines; they go further then just the gloss on the pages, further then the adverts or free fragrance samples . it’s a fantasy world catalogue, helping you to reach your full potential.