Flashbulbs

I was so excited when I unwrapped my Lomography Diana F+ camera on Christmas morning. I've been dying to get my hands on one for such a long time, particularly after visiting the brands Manchester branch. Walls covered with photos charmed me instantly and I knew one of their cameras was to be pride of place on my wishlist, especially to mark the start of a new year. It may seem a little obvious,with the new name above but I finally feel ready to take things in a new direction. I mean that in a sense of both blogging and life, and my camera is to the perfect inspiration to do so. In blogging terms, I'm saying goodbye to holy tightss and all its fashion pretentiousness and welcoming more of a visual diary to my life, hopefully it will encourage me to write more about what I desire to and think about, as opposed to a small section of my ideas and interests. I also want to get more creative and feel less concerned about the consequences of it not being a fashion related post. I just want to enjoy writing, photography, living and sharing with you all a little more.

In life terms, a camera without a delete button is the perfect way to look at things. The lack of an erase function represents both the past and the future simultaneously. You cannot delete the shots you have previously created, but if you want to do things different, learn to take a better photograph. You may not like all the exam results you have, so try revising differently. You may not like the body you have, so treat it differently, fit the right things into the frame like exercise, and make sure you don't catch the bad food into your lens. If you want to change the way you view life, try to use every develop film as a  guide to the good and bad, and use every new film as a change to embrace the positive and start again.

But there's also one more thing, and maybe the most important to learn from a little disposable camera. How many times do you take a photo before you think, okay, that's Facebook acceptable? a simple one chance camera is perfect to stop the insecurities and to start accepting somethings cant be changed. Wait a while before you get the film developed and changes are you'll see past however you looked and see only the memories the photo helped retain.

A row of photos in your room will be tinged with both happiness and a sad element. A year cannot simply just be wonder, love, laughter and late nights. It must also be work, pain and sadness. But you know what? Thats life. And life with all its mixtures and chaos, is simply beautiful. So I hope your 2013 is filled with memories; One that make you unbelievable happy, ones that make you want to change the world, and ones you'll be glad you had you camera by your side for.


                                                     Happy new year.

        What are you New Years resolutions? Or what are you aiming to do differently this year?

Her minds made up, She don't want to go steady. She's only 17, so she's probably not ready.

ladders in tights, ink stained bags, tears over the future. For me, the cracks in the apparent newness of September life are beginning to show. I feel stupid to play some innocence is bliss card, and masking myself in delusions of change is neither sensible, or even half useful. Summer is always signaled as some sort of break, the type of therapy the NHS doesn't offer, but instead I've entered a new academic year some how more internally wound up then when I left it. The causation of which I care not to mention, for I know, most of you probably care not to listen, but the result, is one I have a high distaste for. One of the things that might have possibly got me watery eyed in the common room this week is the fact that by a months time, I've got to decide how I want to spend my future earning money . And as much as I'd like to apologize for the in convenience I gather I'm probably causing to teachers, and fellow members of my form who have to hear my whines of various protests of not knowing, I'm actually not sorry in the slightest. Why at 17 should I know? Its not logical.

Don't get me wrong, because I know what I would like  in life. I'd like to some how change the world, in a little way. I'd like to help out charities, and I'd like to preach the message of the gospel. I'd like to work with disadvantaged children is war torn countries. And I'd like to write articles on my opinion, and have them published. I'd like to educate others on diversity and the importance of equality. I'd like to continue being a student ambassador for the Holocaust Educational Trust.  I'd like to march for Gay pride. I'd like to get married, have children, and live in a house with a red front door, I'd like to read the entire bible and I'd like to teach others that its okay to be different. I'd like to learn how to cook, and how to bake, and I'd like to grow my own vegetables. I'd like to compile huge lists, and I'd like to scrapbook everything that matters to me. I'd like to learn how to be more comfortable with who I am, and i'd to get better at listening to God.  I'd like to one day be overall leader of a venture, and I know at some point I'd like to be a youth worker in a church. I'd like to be able to live with enough income to be able to live without complete restrictions, and I'd like to be able to afford to buy my friends and family gifts, just because I knew they'd love something. I'd like to be able to laugh, and to love, and to explore. I'd like to visit New York City, and Paris, And Italy. I'd like to be an MP. And I'd like to road trip across America. And, I'd like to discover more about my mother.

But picking what to spend the next 3 years of my life studying about? Its not that I'm clueless, because I've been up till gone 2AM on the dreaded UCAS website searching and searching. Its just that, coiled up inside me is the notion that I'm not ready to decide just yet. I'm not ready to reel in my Naivety, or to stop dreaming of having it all. I'm not available for surrendering for the ordinary. And I am in no means capable of stopping my mind from wandering about everything, about being fascinated by anything. I can't just settle. This is not the time to be closing my eyes, and pointing to a star, hoping for the best. Its the time to get serious, to take September with both hands and start running towards my future career path. But I can't. Cause I'm not going to allow myself to be pressured into any half hearted decisions. I do what I want to do, and I do it with passion, but I'm not allowing for regrets years down the line.

I'll decide when I'm good and ready to, when I know what I want. Cause despite the red lipstick, big words and Costa trips, I'm still only 17. And in the eyes of the law, that's still a child. I don't want to grow up just yet, despite what September is bringing.

                                                                          xxxx

Polka Dots and Cappuccinos!

I've tried to come up with some fancy, intellectual deep sentence to start this blog post, in an attempt for you to somehow grasp the scale of philosophical pondering Hannah and I did while people watching from a window from the Costa of Huyton Village, but since I'm all out, you'll have to make as best use of this sentence as you can. 

Although our original intention for today was not to sip coffee and chat, but to instead take a trip to Matthew street, I thoroughly enjoyed our caffeine induced thoughts on pretty much everything more then a soggy august  day in the city center. The main subject matter ended up turning into analysis of the people around us, as well as our selves. I provided, what I hope to be insightful nuggets on subconscious self expression through clothing, where as Hannah indulged on the subject of conformity and new starts. I blame our church all girls schools partly for the way we've changed over the past few years. On my part, I think the regulatory and strict order of my school gave me a drive to be different and stand out, where for Hannah, it initially had the opposite effect of quite literally, conforming to the norm. (bet you can all tell my favourite subject is psychology)

But with her starting college soon, thanks to her 10 A*'s, yes, ten! It comes a time to break away and be bold. With this in mind as we strolled to New Look a little later in the day, I suddenly turned all random fashion TV programme on her and made her pick and outfit out for me, while I chose one for her! All photos taken of me are horrendously bad so i'll refrain from hurting your eyes, but since Hannah is super gorgeous its a must to see the before and after!

Here's the beautiful Hannah in her own outfit in which she looks like herself,

and here is her in the outfit I picked out for her. (Close friends of mine, note the Jess Corcoran pose)

Although Hannah was wearing burgundy jeans, me being a fan of colour, and texture and print made her tackle lace, polka dots and hot pink in a single outfit. Once upon a time i'm pretty sure that would have been too out of her comfort zone, but today she tried them on with little hesitation! She even bought the polka dot skirt, meaning i've successfully added 4 items of my own choice into Hannah's wardrobe over the past 18 months! 

This little style swap as a result of our deep wanderings was something I think we've both learnt a lot from. Although it may seem like its simply just fabric to some, it actually shows a lot about ourselves. I'm partial to throwing everyone into the deep end with everything clashing, believing I know whats best for them, revealing my selfish belief in myself as always being right.  Where as Hannah, who would have previously been more reserved was ready to take on the challenge set for her, probably brought about by her adjusting herself to the next few months of change and difference. She's going from uniform to whatever she wants to wear, different subjects, different friends, different time table. A lot of things are going to be new for her, and she's quite clearly relishing what is ahead. And as cheesy as it sounds, I'm so proud of her for leaving the past 5 years of familiarity for something different, as scary as it might seem! 

So I hope you enjoy college Han, here's to the many more Polka dots and Cappuccinos days we'll have over the next few years, don't ever change!

xxx

Monday musings.

I thought I'd finally make some sort of conscious effort to regain my love for the blogging world, but since the whole original subject matter has ejected itself firmly out the window i'm left a little unsteady on my feet as to what I'm going to write about, so bare with me on that one. I might just ramble on about the musings demanding mainstream focus in all the various cavities of my brain, or if your lucky, I'll through a few photos and deep philosophical quotes around here for good measure.  Until I come up with anything half decent, I might as well inform all you readers as to what I spent this Monday doing.
  I should have awoke from a dreamlike slumber at 9AM sharp and hastily set out sending emails and planning things for Bakewell, but in true Jess Corcoran style, I uncurled at somewhere past 11 and then dragged myself downstairs, negotiated the TV (we've some new sky HD box, its only real use is too make you feel better when you realise that celebrities can also look a tired and have patchy makeup too, but anywayyy)  and then  settled to watch some wholesome Olympic goodness while munching on a cupcake for breakfast, cause you know, I'm super healthy.


Once I'd actually made myself presentable it was time for a few hours to be spent with my DNA sharers. We wandered around the shops and took a trip to the supermarket rapidly taking over the world. No joke, don't they just like pop up on every corner? hmm, I might get some diet coke,  *cue mock horror at yet another tesco.*  Then I decided to spend nearly ten pound on what seems like absolutely nothing (Vogue, the I, a limited edition bottle of full fat coke, chicken noodle salad, crispsss) Okay, so maybe its just the bargain hunter lurking within me, but still, out of principle, I'd like a lot more for my moneyyy.

After this came a hour or so of tickle wars, hair combing and raspberry blowing with Jacob, who at 4 and a half, is quite possibly my favourite person in the whole wide world. I think his adorably cute laughter, inquisitive nature and hysterically funny antics are enough to put any one in a delightful little mood.  But just don't try steal bunny or froggy.

Even at just gone 8PM the light is streaming through my blinds so I might take a trip all the way downstairs and read vogue in the garden, whilst basking in the sun. Or I'll make a hot chocolate, and watch a film, quite possibly Remember me. I'm tempted to finally unravel the cellophane off my copy of the notebook, but I fear for my emotional heath after hearing its a complete and utter tearjerker, and since I'm the type of girl that cried over watching the royal wedding it might be best to prop myself up with various friends before I take the plunge.  How was your monday?

                                                                         xXx

Instagram lover

Someone needs to buy me an Iphone just so I can have Instagram. Until this day I will continue to steal everyone elses's phones and edit pictures to my hearts content. 

xxxx

A million possibilities...

I'm writing a blog post about the grand national, so before some of  you may kick off; ,  I realise that writing about the Grand national may raise issues for some people. Before you all tell me that 1. I'm not legally old enough to bet, and 2. the race raises various animal rights issues I'd like to explain that ever since I can remember I've chosen a horse every April, and that my Granddad has placed a bet on it. My Granddad unfortunately died in June last year, and therefore as a rather fitting tribute to the man that always had about 10 blue betting pens in all his coat pockets, I will continue to pick a horse for as long as the race runs.


I'm basically using the Grand national as excuse to proclaim my adoration for the underdog, and love for the outsider. While others see the race as a chance to make some money (don't get me wrong, when I was about 10 I won 18 pound and bought a new outfit from peacocks, classy I know) I like the idea of placing a bet on a particular horse for rather frivolous reasons. And yes do I mean that I've often decided where my money goes on the colour and pattern of the jockey's jacket. But really, I love to look at the odds, and then pay no attention to the ones that are supposed to win. Obviously the odds are helpful and there to give you a good idea of the ones most likely to win but I hate the idea of automatically ruling things out due to there previous performances.

Okay, so lets talk bigger then horse terms now. The idea of deciding who or what is best due to varying factors is alright on some terms, but what I dislike is the notion of then ignoring everything that seemingly has lower potential. Surely everyone is equal and that belief is the real key? as opposed certain skills or talents. I get some people are naturally better at some things then others, but should we be really stopping people placing support in others, because they've been shown in the past not to be the most amazing? I believe we can become better through the support and belief of others, and that we'll only really win in life if people embrace the underdog. So my horse might be postmaster, at 150-1, just because, nobody thinks its likely to win and therefore I want to choose it. Call it a desire to be different if you want, but really, I just love the idea of choosing the one shunned for having the least potential.

 I'm on a mission to embrace the outsider with open arms, because you never know there true potential with a little bit of belief behind them.

Mr. Blue Sky.

Good afternoon, lovely readers. I'm currently in a process of doing what I do best...Ignoring the huge mental stack of essays that need to be written, and coursework that needs to be redrafted. I guess Blogging it is then!
I must of course mention to you that if you want to read something with a half decent well written structure, you might as well go to the nice little kiss in the corner of your screen and click on it, cause I'm just rambling as always.

I first just wanted to say a great big, somewhat premature hello to Summer. A huge to shhhh! to all you cynics that are announcing that we are only just greeting March, I don't care. The sun makes me a happier a person, so weaving real daises in my hair will be a continuous occurrence over the upcoming months. And Just so you know, i'll be taking my sunglasses everywhere from now on...

Just like I did today - And I wore shorts. I hope by now you've realised when I say I love Summer, I'm not joking. So as soon as I'm able to hold one without my hands turning numb and me developing hypothermia, I swap my hot chocolate for a mango and passionate fruit frescato. For me this is like a little welcoming session,  allowing yourself to say goodbye to the winter months (I know, I know, Its only March) and suddenly breathe again.

Check out my new very expensive creeper ish shoes I spent all my money on. Topshop's finest aren't they.
Seriously hope I fooled you there, they were 3.50 from the charity shop we helped out at S.O.S this summer. If you want to see what other items you can get your hands on, get down to this years fashion show! More info is coming soon but put April 4th down in your diaries!

I also got this little snazzy jumper from a different charity shop in Huyton Village...someone needs to stop me.

Remember I said I was unsure of the future and what to do? I've decided I want to grow up and be a cat.

-On a completely different note I'd like to say a huge well done to Rebecca Richardson, (she wrote this post) for doing her first talk in YFI last night! It was a privilege to see her do so well and talk about trusting in God!
She was brilliant! But anyway, i must begin to pretend to start my work! until next time...

Please Mr. Postman, look and see...

*Thanks to Maureen for my Christmas present*

I received this notebook back in December, and ever since I've been at a loss of what to use it for.

Call me crazy but I can't just leave a mass of paper without a purpose. Every time I buy a new notebook I've got its exact use in mind, so when someone else buys me one, my boundaries are pushed in order to develop a concept for which will be used on the once time trees.

I've wrote on 8 or so sheets of this pretty little thing, without any direction. My thoughts scattered on the pages have been random and a little lacking. That was until tonight.

I picked it up and started writing myself a letter, and when I flicked back, I realised I'd already wrote someone else a letter in it. And there, without me choosing, the ribbon printed wonder had found its full potential.

This notebook will hold the letters I'll never send or show anyone else. but I might as well share a little edited version of the first letter I wrote in it...

"I miss, everything that used to be.

I can't miss you properly, because you haven't even gone anywhere.

I want to be people we used to be.

I think your a idiot at times, but I do love you.

More then I can really say.

To...

Love Jess xx

There was a crazy moose, and he drank a lot of juice.

This week, woww. Safe to say I'm pretty speechless, but for what I lack in words I can deliver a huge mix of tiredness, relief and experience.

Its been great, even brilliant. And believe me 24 hours ago I would not have ever said that. (at that point I was lightheaded from only eating chocolate, exceptionally tired a night in a tent and feeling completely unlike a girl as I was wearing pants.) I've learnt that as stubborn as I am, I can actually have err... fun? doing some sort of physical activity. I mean don't worry, I'm not saying I enjoyed it, but kanoing 6K is quite entertaining when it wants to be. People keep asking if i'm proud of what I've achieved, and the answer is honestly..no.  I'm proud of what we've achieved. We pulled together like we had all known each other for years. If anyone was upset, we'd all deliver in providing our very own versions of their favourite bands songs. And the hugs and hand holding were in full supply when we felt we couldn't do it alone.

 The campsite/home for one night was a random piece of land in the middle of wales, toilet free of course.
So yes, I went there. Strangest. thing. ever, and something I'd like not to repeat.

What else is there to say? Well I spent today having to remind myself I wrote a blog about fashion, scroll down and you'll see my completely miss matched outfit, scroll up and you'll find my sexy Asda trainers. I also love how I had to share a Spork with Rebecca Richardson, a mouthful of meatballs each :/ and go Rach Smithhh...none of us had even brushed our teeth or changed clothes, but out she whips her foundation!

The 12K walk was a bit of a low moment, but we all got through it, with Oreos and water from a stream.
 As was the night in the tent...we awoke every hour, and at 2 in the morning I announced it was 6.45 and that the birds were tweeting. then I began to tweet. Yeah, think i was a little crazy by then...

The nicest thing was landing in to the yellow bed that creaked everytime you breathed, it might have been dire on Monday night, but felt like heaven by Wednesday. But where does God fit into all of this? He's shown me that although it may not always feel like, he's giving me so much strength to do things I never thought I could!

The thing i'll take away the most from this is that the people that will pull you up mountains, make you laugh when your crying, hold your hand to stop you falling, and couldn't give a damm if your wearing makeup or the state of your hair, are the ones to hold onto.

Its been a surreal 4 days, but thank you to everyone that made it special! ROLL ON VIRGINIAAAA!

My January.

1. Opportunities have arose in many a shape over the past month. Not only am I now running Ignite (the schools Christian lunchtime group) I'm also at F.Y.I & Kidz Klub! Although their not new in fitting into my schedule its great to have regular chances to tell people about God! I also took whole school assembly on Monday (were talking like 800 people, ahhhhh!) Around the themes of the Holocaust & acceptance of difference in society...It was amazing to be able to have a chance to really make many people think on such an important topic.

2. I've not read a book in such a long time. And I've really missed sitting down and soaking up wonderful descriptions and thoughts, so this month I started reading the help, and I'm seriously trying to spend a little time each day getting lost in a book, I've missed invading the world of a character on a regular basis.

3. Something new comes in the form of making videos! For the previous two weeks after FYI we've took a few photos...and then I've sped them up and added a song to turn them into watchable videos...So far we've did one for "The Tim Gill dance" (its a St. Barts thing) and 'I will worship you for who you are'. If you want to see them go to my YouTube channel which of course is, Holy Tightss.

4. Possibly the best way to ever spend a Friday morning is at Work experience. Big shocker for you all when I say I'm doing it in church, bet you would have never guessed that one now would you? its been really fun to just have a chatt & plan stuff for things like FYI or Ignite! We are also going to start fashion show planning, excited much!

5.Some of you will know I'm impatient at the best of times. I just always want to know whats going to happen and the thought of having it revealed to me piece by piece is an idea I particularly struggle with! But God's plan is unfolding, particularly with this summer. Its so strange to see life is really like a jigsaw! I still want to cry everytime uni or the thought of the future is mentioned, but i'm getting there!

6. I've started listing everything good that happens in the week, every week! Its really good to help you focus on all the good things, no matter how little they might be! maybe you should try it out!

7. January has meant far too many evenings & weekends spent in scruffy clothes, textbook in front of my face! Revision over Christmas time was horrible but I guess I made it through! Sixth form has started all the Uni talk, and I'm so undecided about EVERYTHING!

8. I need to be more creative, that's all.

9. Fashion is just not who I am anymore. Its crazy, and its strange, but its true. I don't know what this means for Holy Tightss either, I'm not giving up blogging by any means, and I'll alwaysssssssss love clothes, but I'm just a bit unsure at the moment!

Hope you have all had a brilliant month! I'll blog again (on who knows what?!) soon enough!

Life: The little things.