Religion: You've had to wait a while I know. So has God.

Okay, Okay. So I've tried to write this post at least seven times over the past few months, but after the first sentence, two if its a good day, I've hastily given up. I don't know if any of you have realised, but I've not actually written anything relating to God since October. Even in just typing that do I begin to wince slightly, I mean, my blog called Holy Tightss, and its called that for a reason.

Yes, I formed some lines on being beautiful here back in late December but they were little thought and came from a sudden desire to express what I'd been trying to tell others, and what others had been telling me. So apart from that, your looking at half of October, and the whole of November and December without so much as me personally muttering anything Jesus related. (excluding my new years post of course)

This is entirely my fault. Its not like my faith in God has slipped, for I have total belief in the power and the love of my Lord. But what I've did is allow myself to somehow stop relying on God. Far too often have I recently been doing things of my own accord and supposed strength. I've also been wanting God in my life, without giving him the slightest of opportunities to be there.  This is through a lack of regularly praying and reading the bible. Its my crazy mind to think I can keep my relationship with Jesus going, without spending time trying to keep it going.

Through too much time focused on other things have I lost sight of what I really want. I have caught glimpses of it in the past few months, but I've did what I do best, and ignored it in favour of something pointless. Depending on how well you know me, depends on if you can tell this about me.

Its a simple equation some could say, but the more I'm relying on Jesus, the more of a person I am. The Jess that knows Jesus is the one that smiles on early Monday Mornings and texts all her friends wishing them a good week. The Jess that doesn't spends the bus rides to school, headphones firmly in, choosing to ignore the week ahead. The Jess that lives for the lord thrives on opportunities to serve others, and honestly practically runs to kidz klub where as without a passion for God, Jess is rather mean and lazy, and er, swears a lot.

See, what I want is to live for the lord. I honestly desire this with all my heart. But I get so easily caught up. Be it thought a lack of priorities or a hopeless rebellion of thinking I don't need God. But I do, I need God more in my life then anything.

To say this blog is a sudden turn around would be false and maybe to some, a blatent lie. I'm open to say that right now, I'm the Jess that's not living for the Lord. Though I do want to be. I just think right now, I don't want it enough.

I need that passion to fill me again, and that enthusiasm that makes me want to shout from the rooftops about the love of Jesus. It will return, but only If i allow it to. There is no way I can write this blog post, and not do anything about it. So I'm doing as I've been told, and tonight I'm going to church expectant, I'm waiting on God. I think he's been waiting for me.