THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS: Unrevealed #2

• “I love you every day. But today you get a card.”
  
  That’s Christmas really, it’s Jesus’ birthday, it’s a day when you say ‘Yes, you are no different today than you were yesterday, you are no closer, no further away, but today you get a present.’ But the funny thing about that is that it can’t be true. Because when you say something like that, when you show someone how much you care, it makes you closer than you were yesterday. That’s what I call ‘worship’.
  This time last year I was very busy being ripped open – a year long relationship was unravelling around me and it felt like bits of me were just falling out. Ever noticed how gradually people change into the things they love? It’s why dog owners look like their dogs. And why people who live for money end up flying around the world only slightly slower than their currency, and grow cold like the unexpected coin in your pocket. Anyway, what I’m saying is imagine if part of who you are fell off. Ran away. Your left foot suddenly rebelled and kicked you in the stomach. This was how I was feeling this time last year. Right up until Christmas Eve.
  
  On the night before Christmas I go to mass at midnight – nothing fancy just people gathered together, singing the praises of the God who’s going to save the world in the morning. But there’s something about it that’s not like other weeks, that’s not like singing in the middle of the day. The night is powerful: it’s peaceful but it’s better than that. At midnight on Christmas Eve you’re not where you were yesterday and you are just certain that you don’t have to be the same tomorrow. And when they say ‘salvation’ that’s all they mean: Tomorrow I will be more alive than I was yesterday, because Jesus is alive.
  
  So I took my shattering self to mass at midnight and I sang. And whenever the music stopped these words just wouldn’t get out my head: Your love is enough, Your grace is sufficient. Your love is enough. You’re no closer today than you were yesterday, and you’re no further away, but you were always everything I’d ever need. I worshipped God, and he picked me up and held me to his chest like a shepherd would with a tiny lamb, shivering with cold.